I considered writing one of those “Year in review” posts, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Not because 2010 sucked. There was a lot of great stuff. There was a lot of bad stuff too. A lot of shit that I wish I hadn’t had to deal with, and a lot of things that I’ll be grateful for for the rest of my life.
Ultimately, though, I’m not writing the post because it doesn’t fit into my schedule. There would be far too much to cover and frankly I don’t have the time to spend rehashing last year. Not when this year’s here. ALREADY.
How the fuck is it already 2011?!
Tonight Kay and I sat down and talked about the coming year and all we have planned. I’m not going to even try to list everything (we do have many spreadsheets), but my share includes, in PART, A Festival of Skeletons, Broken Slate, Rise Reviews, Boskone, Crossed Genres, Science in My Fiction (Editing fiction, occasional contributor & the 2nd annual SiMF contest), and at least 3 fairly large-sized Sekrit Projects.
The above, of course, doesn’t even mention my own writing, which is once again in hibernation until I can strike one or two things from the above list. The degree to which this pisses me off actually stuns me.
Overall I have very mixed feelings about the coming year. At this time last year, our projects consisted of the CG magazine, the accompanying anthology, the start of A Festival of Skeletons, and our own writing. Though next year, on paper at least, does appear to taper off gradually (*KNOCK WOOD*), it’s still far more busy than I expected even 2010 to be (and of course, I was completely wrong about that). There are a few other things that I won’t relate publicly that have me ready to tear some heads off, and I can’t see a way to eliminate them from my life. I’m irritated and frustrated that my own writing is once again looking like it’ll be an afterthought, barring my just abandoning a project or two… and I don’t abandon projects that other people have commitments to as well. I won’t leave others hanging. As much as I’d like to sometimes.
On the other hand: after a lot of thought over the past several months I’ve accepted that I enjoy editing about as much as I enjoy writing. This may be partially because writing has been clouded with frustration recently, but editing IS frustration, so it’s fair to compare them. I get to do a lot of the editorial side of things now, and that makes me happy. So much so that one or two of my Sekrit Projects are VERY editorial in nature, and I’m enjoying the hell out of them so far. I do want to write – NEED to write, but I’m also gradually accepting that just because writing is getting pushed aside, that doesn’t mean I have to resent it, or the things preventing me from doing it, especially if I enjoy them. That’s been making it easier to deal with the annoyance of no writing time. I can actually see being very happy if at some point down the road I could split my time evenly between editing and writing.
Next year is also going to have a lot of exciting things. Boskone will be mine and Kay’s first convention where we have CG et al as dealers, with a table in the Hucksters room and everything. We’re expecting the 2nd SiMF contest to be even bigger and more exciting than last year. In September, Baz will start kindergarten (LALALALAICAN’THEARYOU!). And there are a few secret things that I’m giddy with anticipation for.
So yeah. 2010 was a mixed bag, though overall I’d say it averaged out firmly on the positive side. 2011… feels more uncertain than I can remember feeling at the start of a year. Even when Kay and I packed up and drove from AZ to MA five years ago, I felt like I had a better grasp of what to expect than I do now. I hate feeling like that, and it’s what’s making me ambivalent about 2011. I’m hoping that over the next few weeks some things will get sorted out and at the very least I’ll have a better idea of what to expect, or at least plan for. In the meantime, freaking out will continue until morale improves.
“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
– Walt Disney