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The Aftermath of His Life – It’s Over

Posted by kayholt on July 7, 2011 in family |

It’s been a good year since my father committed suicide. I’d planned to do something special to mark the day, but I kept forgetting about it. In the end, I knocked-off work a little early, made a dust storm playlist on YouTube, and watched a few episodes of Dr Who. I thought I’d want to […]

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What’s On Your Autopsy Report?

Posted by kayholt on March 1, 2011 in family, health |

My dad’s autopsy report came in the mail yesterday. I was a little disappointed that they didn’t do toxicology or a full internal examination, but they didn’t really need to given how he died. Cause of death: Gunshot wound of the head. Manner: Suicide. The autopsy report was interesting for a number of reasons, some […]

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Desirable Problem: Here Be Monsters

Posted by kayholt on February 7, 2011 in family, health |

I am basically the person I thought I’d be if I lived to be my age. I remember my dad at 30. He seemed younger then than I am now. My mother was more manic at 30 than I am, but she had her shit in order. Except about men. Still about men. For me, […]

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I’ll Pull That Trigger When I’m Good and Ready

Posted by kayholt on November 1, 2010 in family, health |

Rinjani by Oliver Spalt (Creative Commons) I’ve always loved geology. I started collecting odd rocks before I started school, and my preschooler is the same way. I took college-level geology courses throughout high school and I might have majored in that subject, but there was one little problem: I’m so terrified of volcanoes that I […]

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Stand There and Watch Me Burn

Posted by kayholt on October 1, 2010 in family, health |

This post has multiple foci, but I’m confident you’re all grown-up enough to handle that. The subject line is from a song of adults by adults for adults. Listen (and read) responsibly. This post has daddy issues: Recently, I found myself feeling resentful about my dad’s suicide. It’s a normal emotion, even predictable, but I […]

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Complications from Clarity

Posted by kayholt on August 2, 2010 in family, health |

It’s been almost a month since my dad left the world, and I’m starting to spot the evidence of him leaving my life, too. No anxiety attacks. I’m sleeping easily and well. Things I’ve struggled with for years are suddenly effortless; my dayjob most of all. I’m not fully caught up at work or at […]

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I Went to Arizona, and All I Got Was This Lousy Peace…

Posted by kayholt on July 20, 2010 in family, health |

Hard to believe, but some distant corners of the internet still have not heard that my father died. On Tuesday July 6th 2010, he blew himself away after a three hour standoff with a SWAT team. Those of us dad left behind are grateful he didn’t take anyone with him. However, I may laugh in […]

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Traveling in Layers

Posted by kayholt on July 8, 2010 in family |

My plane just pulled up to the gate. But I feel like there should be two planes; one for each trip I’m taking. I’m traveling in layered surreality right now. I go to see my father dead and his other survivors mourn. I go to see my desert. The latter journey is worth the former, […]

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My Dad is Dead

Posted by kayholt on July 7, 2010 in family |

I just got the call. My dad is dead. Jim Lamb (1956-2010) Man kills himself following police chase and SWAT standoff in Gilbert Suspect Kills Self After 3-Hour Standoff I’ll update as much as I’m able.

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